Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Number 5

So I am now 12 weeks along and sick as a dog as always. But we are keeping our eyes on the result. I still can't believe it some days, but then I feel awful and think 'this better be for real'. So grateful for friends who have shown up at my little cries for help and done amazing things to help us get through this part.
The kids have had tons of TV time this summer but what else can I do when the body falls asleep 2 hours after being up? They are also getting good at making sandwiches and ichiban all by themselves.
Well I am too tired to say anymore right now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Getting Better

Wow it takes a lot to make sure I get better. Get the supporters in place, the meds, the exercise, the acupuncture, chiro, and a lot of prayer.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sunk

I denied it and held it off for about 3 months but when I got too tired it pushed me under. Can I even utter the words.......here goes...... I am depressed, again. To say that feels awful because it is like I am admitting defeat, like I wasn't strong enough or good enough to be happy. At the same time it is a relief because now I can stop pretending to be happy (not like can even do that anymore) and I will get the help I so desperately need. It has happened at least 6 times before this, but this part never seems to get any easier.
I still have not learned how to ask for help, with grace. I soon as I start I turn into a blubbering fool and feel like they only said yes because they just wanted to make all the fluid coming from my face stop. I'm afraid it will be a bad experience for my children to have a sick mom. It's not their fault that I am so sad, it just happens; obviously no matter how hard I try it still happens.

We will get through this. We have before.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

When we started it seemed like a good idea....

This was a friend's status recently and I loved it. It feels like a good title for a book and intro to a good story. That was kind of how I felt this weekend went too.
Getting all the planning and inviting and stuff done all seemed like a good idea when we started, but then stuff happened, as it always does. We made it through and Mason had a great time. He really has grown up in the past little bit and I am going to miss his little boy antics. Now it will just be big boy stuff.
The dog saga is only beginning and if I felt I could just be a loop tape in Trev's head that said "Breath and be calm" I think he would handle some things with much greater success. Now that i think about it it wouldn't be just in relation to the dog either. Bordeaux is already an amazing gauge of how the energy of the house is going. And he is as good as gold when I make the time to train him. It is helping me stay grounded with the kids because they are the same. I am just so glad that the weather has tempered out enough that we can do some outdoor training and exercise. We have all needed it. I love that we all find more freedom (happiness and peace) when there are rules limits and boundaries.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Learning

So for the past couple of months Trever and I have been taking a learn to skate class. It has been really good for us. Trever had some experience with skating and I had none but now we are understanding how to skate backwards, stop, cross overs, turning and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't even begin to try yet. I got so excited after our last lesson when I was actually going fast enough to feel a breeze on my face; then I suddenly realized I had to make the turn at this speed and maybe even stop and my heart began to race, but I made it.
Now we have also began our Learn to Run 5km (2 miles for my American friends) class. These 2 classes overlap for 3 weeks (one on Tues and the other on Thurs) which is going to be hard on our bodies and stressful finding sitters. But we made it through the first running class. I had no idea what to expect and especially that we were going to go 5km the first night. My whole body hurts today and I am only worried that it will slow me down too much to finish the prep for Mason's birthday. I did it but it doesn't make me excited about next week. I don't even know how practicing this week is possible if I hurt like this after. Don't worry I am just laughing at myself for getting us into this and I am determined to at the very least finish the class. I may not become a runner but at least I will know how to.
On a brighter note (or is it?) Maggie is CRAWLING and STANDING with the help of anything she can hold onto. Which means everything off the floor and up to about 2 feet.
Sorry my brain is too tired to do anymore here, but I'll be back and hopefully with some pictures and more about what we've been up to.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

February always seems like this

As I have looked back through my day planners and the notes I have made about family stuff it seems that every February for at least 5 years we have gotten some kind of nasty illness. And this year was no different. We had puking and diarrhea for a week and a half. Graydon was the worst by missing school and puking up every thing he ate for a week. The doctor congratulated me on somehow keeping the kid reasonably hydrated despite it all. Maggie was the next worst and lost a pound but never got dehydrated enough to take her to the hospital. Amandine was a good little mom and would snuggle with her and 'read' her stories.
Our puppy is growing fast and is now a healthy 5lb 14ozs. Which is the same weight Maggie arrived at. The kids are learning how to be good pack leaders, except Mason. Kicking the dog for no apparent reason is really not being a good pack leader, in any books. Mason does not cut me any slack when it comes to paying attention to him. If I am not giving him enough he will find ways to make me pay attention, like eating pie right out of the pan in the fridge, peeing on his bedroom floor three nights in a row, and teasing the dog or Maggie. (just to name a very few) He was funny the other day at church. He was hanging off of Trever's lap in sacrament meeting and came up with something in his mouth. The following conversation then happened:
Trev: Mason what is that in your mouth?
Mason: I dunno.
Trev: Did you get that off the floor?
Mason: Yeah
Trev: So what is it Mason?
Mason: Chewy.
Maggie is so close to crawling I think I want to cry. Mostly because I don't know if can handle another moving thing in this house. I won't know where to place gates anymore. Between trying to keep the dog out of certain areas and then Maggie too I've got my work cut out for me climbing around my house.Amandine did skating in ECS and did great. She just loved it and got pretty good by the end. She also was so proud to show off her dog to her class.
We got our closets done. They look so wonderful to me now that I smile every time I see them. The kids were wondering why I had all this empty space in mine. I didn't really know what to tell them except that it was always there I just couldn't use it before. At least one part of my room makes me smile. We have to get the bathroom done before I start anymore projects, but it is not going anywhere at the moment. I do have a couch coming on Saturday.What a crazy week. We have had immunizations (for human and dog), dr appointments, chiro, acupuncture, skating lessons, meetings, did Valentine's even happen?... And the Flames rock!!!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wanted: Sleep

So close to getting a good nights rest. The baby slept pretty much through the night and I think the puppy would have too if Mason hadn't woken up and barfed all over his bed. The poor kid was so delirious/tired it was like trying to understand a foreign language when he was talking.
Now all I can think about today is that I don't have the van, and groceries need to be bought. But I can get laundry and some cleaning done, if I can focus and push through the exhaustion. If I'm really good I will get some exercise in. Or maybe I should get into some real clothes first.
Trev and I were supposed to be in the Marriage and Family class at church for the months of Jan and Feb but between me needing to go to ward conferences, canceled church one week, and now a baby blessing I don't think we will ever make it. I feel bad that they are missing out on all of our great knowledge about how to have the perfect marriage and family (HAHAHAHAHA).
So Mason is on this kick of saying 'Lady'. He likes to call people 'lady' and himself. And he says 'Whoo-hoo'. So it goes something like this most of the time "I'm a lady, whoo-hoo". I think he just likes the way it sounds, and the reaction he gets when he calls someone else a lady, particularly men.
So I don't mind the snow and I don't mind a little cold but when it is so cold that I am bundling the kids up like mummies just to get in the van, it gets a little frustrating. I can't send them outside to play, the snow doesn't stick together and the van is always frosty. Oh and the house not matter how high I crank the heat it has a little chill to it. I am really wanting some tolerable weather so I can feel a little freer and not cooped up.
I have been loosing weight on an up note. A pound a week seems to be the average. That means I will hit my goal by April and hopefully my pre pregnancy jeans will fit (and I am only talk about fitting into the jeans that fit me just before my last pregnancy.)